The nice thing about historical nicknames is that they tell you a little about the person in question — or at least tells you how people viewed them.
Think about Vlad the Impaler, the source of all Dracula lore or Alexander the Great, the famous conqueror, pictured above. The nickname tells you that Vlad... well impaled his enemies. It also implies that he was just not a nice guy. Then anybody nicknamed "the Great" is usually a subject of some form of veneration, fascination, or at least recognition that they had a major impact.
Æthelred the Unready
One of the most ignominiously titled English monarchs is Æthelred the Unready. Æthelred II (also spelled Ethelred), became king of England in 978. When he took power there was a shadow upon the new king since his half-brother, King Edward, had been murdered. Many suspected that Æthelred had something to do with it. There was a fair amount of disunity in England too, which meant that when the Danes invaded in 980 there was little that Æthelred could do except to try to pay them to go away.
The attempt at appeasement backfired so Æthelred then tried to murder the settlers in 1002, but this only encouraged the Danes to send more warriors. Æthelred had so mismanaged the realm that in 1013 he was deposed in favour of the Danish king Sweyn I. To the English, the Danes seemed preferable to Æthelred.
However, Sweyn died the next year, so Æthelred was invited back on the condition that he addressed the country's grievances. The king died in 1016 with England in tatters. Sweyn's son Canute took over the kingdom on his path to establish a superkingdom.
According to the Royal Household, Æthelred was called "Un-raed," which means "no-council." It was a play on the king's name, which according to the "Dictionary of British and Irish History" means "noble counsel." So Æthelred Unraed literally means, "noble counsel, no-council." This transmuted later into "unready" to demonstrate the haplessness of his reign.
One of the most ignominiously titled English monarchs is Æthelred the Unready. Æthelred II (also spelled Ethelred), became king of England in 978. When he took power there was a shadow upon the new king since his half-brother, King Edward, had been murdered. Many suspected that Æthelred had something to do with it. There was a fair amount of disunity in England too, which meant that when the Danes invaded in 980 there was little that Æthelred could do except to try to pay them to go away.
The attempt at appeasement backfired so Æthelred then tried to murder the settlers in 1002, but this only encouraged the Danes to send more warriors. Æthelred had so mismanaged the realm that in 1013 he was deposed in favour of the Danish king Sweyn I. To the English, the Danes seemed preferable to Æthelred.
However, Sweyn died the next year, so Æthelred was invited back on the condition that he addressed the country's grievances. The king died in 1016 with England in tatters. Sweyn's son Canute took over the kingdom on his path to establish a superkingdom.
According to the Royal Household, Æthelred was called "Un-raed," which means "no-council." It was a play on the king's name, which according to the "Dictionary of British and Irish History" means "noble counsel." So Æthelred Unraed literally means, "noble counsel, no-council." This transmuted later into "unready" to demonstrate the haplessness of his reign.
Sviatopolk the Accursed
How do you earn a sobriquet like Accursed? How about by killing your siblings? In the 11th century, the Principality of Kiev was a chaotic, fratricidal mess. "A History of Russian Law" explains that after the death of Prince Vladimir in 1015, his son, Iaroslav, was set to inherit power. However, Iaroslav's brother, Sviatopolk, the Prince of Turov, happened to be the only sibling in Kiev when their father died. Being the man on the spot he usurped power for himself as the Prince of Kiev. Chaos ensued.
Sviatopolk's younger half brother, Boris, was urged by his own men to toss out the usurper. However, Boris refused, reportedly saying, "It is not for me to raise my hand against my elder brother." This pious statement did not prevent Sviatopolk from sending boyars (nobles) to assassinate Boris while he was at prayer. The boyars botched the job and when they brought the body back to Kiev, they found Boris was still alive and twitching. Sviatopolk then had a guard finish the job with a sword thrust through the heart.
The prince did the same to his other half and full brothers, thus earning the nickname "the Accursed" or "the Damned." Sviatopolk was eventually challenged by one last half brother, Iaroslav, in a fratricidal war. It ended in 1019 with the Accursed's defeat in battle. He died from wounds while trying to escape.
How do you earn a sobriquet like Accursed? How about by killing your siblings? In the 11th century, the Principality of Kiev was a chaotic, fratricidal mess. "A History of Russian Law" explains that after the death of Prince Vladimir in 1015, his son, Iaroslav, was set to inherit power. However, Iaroslav's brother, Sviatopolk, the Prince of Turov, happened to be the only sibling in Kiev when their father died. Being the man on the spot he usurped power for himself as the Prince of Kiev. Chaos ensued.
Sviatopolk's younger half brother, Boris, was urged by his own men to toss out the usurper. However, Boris refused, reportedly saying, "It is not for me to raise my hand against my elder brother." This pious statement did not prevent Sviatopolk from sending boyars (nobles) to assassinate Boris while he was at prayer. The boyars botched the job and when they brought the body back to Kiev, they found Boris was still alive and twitching. Sviatopolk then had a guard finish the job with a sword thrust through the heart.
The prince did the same to his other half and full brothers, thus earning the nickname "the Accursed" or "the Damned." Sviatopolk was eventually challenged by one last half brother, Iaroslav, in a fratricidal war. It ended in 1019 with the Accursed's defeat in battle. He died from wounds while trying to escape.
Alfonso the Slobberer
King Fernando II of Leon and Galicia did not want his son, Alfonso, to become king. Nevertheless, the prince did become Alfonso IX in 1188. Perhaps Fernando II objected to either his son's fits of rage which caused the king to foam at the mouth. This earned him the nickname Alfonso the Slobberer. Another theory asserts the king may have been epileptic. Either way, Alfonso, who ruled until 1230, was a forceful personality.
He waged war against the neighboring Iberian kingdoms and even at one point allied with the Islamic Almohads against his rivals in the kingdom of Castille. This resulted in his excommunication by the Pope and his kingdom being placed under an interdict in which sacraments could not be held.
Eventually Alfonso was forced to relent and, after getting back land lost to Castille, he waged war against the Almohads, winning several important battles in this stage of the Reconquista of Spain. Meanwhile, the Slobberer also made a contribution to the development of democracy. Upon taking power he assembled the first cortes, an assembly, to gain the support of his nobles. He agreed to constraints on his power and a set of laws. This created a feeling of shared responsibility for the kingdom and was perhaps the first modern form of a parliament.
King Fernando II of Leon and Galicia did not want his son, Alfonso, to become king. Nevertheless, the prince did become Alfonso IX in 1188. Perhaps Fernando II objected to either his son's fits of rage which caused the king to foam at the mouth. This earned him the nickname Alfonso the Slobberer. Another theory asserts the king may have been epileptic. Either way, Alfonso, who ruled until 1230, was a forceful personality.
He waged war against the neighboring Iberian kingdoms and even at one point allied with the Islamic Almohads against his rivals in the kingdom of Castille. This resulted in his excommunication by the Pope and his kingdom being placed under an interdict in which sacraments could not be held.
Eventually Alfonso was forced to relent and, after getting back land lost to Castille, he waged war against the Almohads, winning several important battles in this stage of the Reconquista of Spain. Meanwhile, the Slobberer also made a contribution to the development of democracy. Upon taking power he assembled the first cortes, an assembly, to gain the support of his nobles. He agreed to constraints on his power and a set of laws. This created a feeling of shared responsibility for the kingdom and was perhaps the first modern form of a parliament.
Harald Bluetooth
One of the most influential Norse rulers of the Viking age was King Harald I of Denmark. Harald, who lived from about 910 to 987 is credited as being the first ruler to unite Denmark. Harald also conquered Norway and converted to Christianity along with his subjects. After his death, his son Sweyn I conquered England. Sweyn was followed by his own son, Canute, who established a Danish empire that encompassed much of Scandinavia and England.
Harald was nicknamed Blåtand, which literally means "bluetooth." Why bluetooth? The historical consensus is that Harald simply had a bad tooth that was a darker, bluish shade of colour — think extreme tooth decay. However, there is an alternate theory based on the archaeological discovery of young male Viking remains that had furrows carved into their front teeth. It has been speculated that these may have been painted either for "erotic or warlike signaling, in which case Harald's would have been blue."
Harald Bluetooth has gained more fame in recent years since Bluetooth wireless technology has been named after him. Why? A Bluetooth exec was quoted as saying, "King Harald Bluetooth ... was famous for uniting Scandinavia just as we intended to unite the PC and cellular industries with a short-range wireless link." The Bluetooth symbol is the runic letter for Harald's name.
One of the most influential Norse rulers of the Viking age was King Harald I of Denmark. Harald, who lived from about 910 to 987 is credited as being the first ruler to unite Denmark. Harald also conquered Norway and converted to Christianity along with his subjects. After his death, his son Sweyn I conquered England. Sweyn was followed by his own son, Canute, who established a Danish empire that encompassed much of Scandinavia and England.
Harald was nicknamed Blåtand, which literally means "bluetooth." Why bluetooth? The historical consensus is that Harald simply had a bad tooth that was a darker, bluish shade of colour — think extreme tooth decay. However, there is an alternate theory based on the archaeological discovery of young male Viking remains that had furrows carved into their front teeth. It has been speculated that these may have been painted either for "erotic or warlike signaling, in which case Harald's would have been blue."
Harald Bluetooth has gained more fame in recent years since Bluetooth wireless technology has been named after him. Why? A Bluetooth exec was quoted as saying, "King Harald Bluetooth ... was famous for uniting Scandinavia just as we intended to unite the PC and cellular industries with a short-range wireless link." The Bluetooth symbol is the runic letter for Harald's name.
Archibald the Loser
Archibald, the fourth Earl of Douglas, was a powerful Scottish noble who lived from circa 1372 to 1424. During that time, there were ongoing wars between England and Scotland. Scotland's King James I was held prisoner as a young man. During this time, Archibald was one of three critical nobles who wielded great power in the country. Archibald and the other magnates probably plotted to amass power, and he was even charged with assassinating the heir to the Scottish throne.
Archibald had a mixed track record on the battlefield. He had some success against the English king Henry IV. Then in 1402 he lost a major engagement, was wounded five times, and lost an eye. Then in 1403 he was again defeated at the Battle of Shrewsbury, where he was severely wounded and taken prisoner although he had been credited for great personal bravery. He was released from England in 1408 after a ransom was paid. Archibald then entered battle again in 1417, besieging and failing to take English towns. Further defeats followed until 1423, when he was killed at the Battle of Verneuil.
Archibald was called Tyneman, which means loser. In Scottish history, he received the nickname of 'Tyneman,' for he lost almost every engagement he took part in from Homildon to Verneuil."
Archibald, the fourth Earl of Douglas, was a powerful Scottish noble who lived from circa 1372 to 1424. During that time, there were ongoing wars between England and Scotland. Scotland's King James I was held prisoner as a young man. During this time, Archibald was one of three critical nobles who wielded great power in the country. Archibald and the other magnates probably plotted to amass power, and he was even charged with assassinating the heir to the Scottish throne.
Archibald had a mixed track record on the battlefield. He had some success against the English king Henry IV. Then in 1402 he lost a major engagement, was wounded five times, and lost an eye. Then in 1403 he was again defeated at the Battle of Shrewsbury, where he was severely wounded and taken prisoner although he had been credited for great personal bravery. He was released from England in 1408 after a ransom was paid. Archibald then entered battle again in 1417, besieging and failing to take English towns. Further defeats followed until 1423, when he was killed at the Battle of Verneuil.
Archibald was called Tyneman, which means loser. In Scottish history, he received the nickname of 'Tyneman,' for he lost almost every engagement he took part in from Homildon to Verneuil."
Halfdan the Generous in Gold and Stingy of Food
In terms of straightforward but weird nicknames, very few can compare to the eighth century Norse king whose name in Old Norse was Hálfdan hinn mildi ok hinn matarilli. This translates to "Halfdan the Generous and Stingy of Food". While the Norse had a habit of applying very direct nicknames to their rulers, there are very practical reasons for this one. Viking rulers were expected to be generous, and only bad rulers kept wealth to themselves.
One of the greatest titles a Norse ruler could be called was a bracelet giver, which was an expression of magnaminty that united a warlord to his warriors. Consider that the Norse war god Odin possessed a magic ring called Draupnir that reproduced itself. These rings could be given to Odin's warriors in recompense for their service. So too was a Norse ruler meant to be a giver. As for Halfdan, he was only half par. On the one hand he gave gold pennies instead of silver pennies to his followers, but alas, he didn't give them enough food.
In terms of straightforward but weird nicknames, very few can compare to the eighth century Norse king whose name in Old Norse was Hálfdan hinn mildi ok hinn matarilli. This translates to "Halfdan the Generous and Stingy of Food". While the Norse had a habit of applying very direct nicknames to their rulers, there are very practical reasons for this one. Viking rulers were expected to be generous, and only bad rulers kept wealth to themselves.
One of the greatest titles a Norse ruler could be called was a bracelet giver, which was an expression of magnaminty that united a warlord to his warriors. Consider that the Norse war god Odin possessed a magic ring called Draupnir that reproduced itself. These rings could be given to Odin's warriors in recompense for their service. So too was a Norse ruler meant to be a giver. As for Halfdan, he was only half par. On the one hand he gave gold pennies instead of silver pennies to his followers, but alas, he didn't give them enough food.
Wilfred the Hairy
The founder of Catalonia is the semi-legendary Count Wilfred. He ruled from 878 to 897 as the count of Barcelona and Narbonne. According to legend, Wilfred as a young exile had an affair with a Flemish countess. While the countess would not marry the young noble, she promised him the hand of her daughter if he could assure her that he would inherit Barcelona which was then being ruled by a usurper. To prove this, he returned to Barcelona in disguise, where his mother recognized him by the hair that covered his back, an inherited trait. Thus, Wilfred the Hairy is not an allusion or allegory. He was literally, a hairy guy.
This also convinced the barons of Barcelona, who recognized his likeness to his ancestors. He thus was able to marry the countess' daughter, win the backing of the Holy Roman Emperor, and become the Count of Barcelona. This established the House Barcelona. His coat of arms became the Catalan flag and Wilfred the Hairy has become an icon of Catalan nationalism.
The founder of Catalonia is the semi-legendary Count Wilfred. He ruled from 878 to 897 as the count of Barcelona and Narbonne. According to legend, Wilfred as a young exile had an affair with a Flemish countess. While the countess would not marry the young noble, she promised him the hand of her daughter if he could assure her that he would inherit Barcelona which was then being ruled by a usurper. To prove this, he returned to Barcelona in disguise, where his mother recognized him by the hair that covered his back, an inherited trait. Thus, Wilfred the Hairy is not an allusion or allegory. He was literally, a hairy guy.
This also convinced the barons of Barcelona, who recognized his likeness to his ancestors. He thus was able to marry the countess' daughter, win the backing of the Holy Roman Emperor, and become the Count of Barcelona. This established the House Barcelona. His coat of arms became the Catalan flag and Wilfred the Hairy has become an icon of Catalan nationalism.
John Softsword
King John of England came to the English throne in 1199. He is derided by historians as one of the worst monarchs in the history of the United Kingdom. John was the youngest of four royal siblings and as such he was given no land by his father, King Henry II. Thus, his first nickname was John Lackland.
John fought with his brothers, including King Richard the Lionheart, and attempted to usurp power while Richard was on the Third Crusade. This rebellion was put down and Richard not only forgave John, but designated him heir. But when John became king, things started to go downhill. He alienated the French lords, who held his lands in northern France and John ended up losing much of that territory to France.
He earned his second nickname, John Softsword, as a result of his ineptness. It was also an obvious blow at his masculinity. Aside from this, King John managed to alienate the Church so much that he was excommunicated. His kingdom was placed under interdict, meaning sacraments would not be given. He angered his nobles so much through cruelty and inability that they forced him to sign the Magna Carta which, in effect, limited his powers. Thus, modern democracy and limited government may have much to thank from this king. It is telling that since John Softsword's reign, there has never been a King John II of England.
King John of England came to the English throne in 1199. He is derided by historians as one of the worst monarchs in the history of the United Kingdom. John was the youngest of four royal siblings and as such he was given no land by his father, King Henry II. Thus, his first nickname was John Lackland.
John fought with his brothers, including King Richard the Lionheart, and attempted to usurp power while Richard was on the Third Crusade. This rebellion was put down and Richard not only forgave John, but designated him heir. But when John became king, things started to go downhill. He alienated the French lords, who held his lands in northern France and John ended up losing much of that territory to France.
He earned his second nickname, John Softsword, as a result of his ineptness. It was also an obvious blow at his masculinity. Aside from this, King John managed to alienate the Church so much that he was excommunicated. His kingdom was placed under interdict, meaning sacraments would not be given. He angered his nobles so much through cruelty and inability that they forced him to sign the Magna Carta which, in effect, limited his powers. Thus, modern democracy and limited government may have much to thank from this king. It is telling that since John Softsword's reign, there has never been a King John II of England.
Ivaylo the Cabbage
Peasant uprisings during the Middle Ages in eastern Europe were almost universally unsuccessful, except for a notable exception in 1277 in Bulgaria. The rebellion was led by an illiterate swineherd named Ivaylo, who led a powerful and successful fight against the Tatars in northeastern Bulgaria. These successes built Ivaylo's reputation up so that more people flocked to his banner, which threatened Tsar Konstantin Tikh, ruler of Bulgaria.
Ivaylo is named Lachanas in Greek sources, which is just a translation of his nickname of Cabbage or sometimes Lettuce, an allusion to his peasant origins. Ivaylo defeated Tsar Konstantin in battle, killing him, and after political machinations worthy of "Game of Thrones," he became the Tsar of Bulgaria in 1278. Meanwhile, the Cabbage showed adept military skill being able to defeat Byzantine armies fielded against him. However, the Cabbage's reign was short since the upper class boyars despised his peasant lineage. He was deposed in 1280 and executed.
Peasant uprisings during the Middle Ages in eastern Europe were almost universally unsuccessful, except for a notable exception in 1277 in Bulgaria. The rebellion was led by an illiterate swineherd named Ivaylo, who led a powerful and successful fight against the Tatars in northeastern Bulgaria. These successes built Ivaylo's reputation up so that more people flocked to his banner, which threatened Tsar Konstantin Tikh, ruler of Bulgaria.
Ivaylo is named Lachanas in Greek sources, which is just a translation of his nickname of Cabbage or sometimes Lettuce, an allusion to his peasant origins. Ivaylo defeated Tsar Konstantin in battle, killing him, and after political machinations worthy of "Game of Thrones," he became the Tsar of Bulgaria in 1278. Meanwhile, the Cabbage showed adept military skill being able to defeat Byzantine armies fielded against him. However, the Cabbage's reign was short since the upper class boyars despised his peasant lineage. He was deposed in 1280 and executed.
John George Beer Jug
John George I was the Elector of Saxony from 1611 to 1656. This reign completely encompassed the Thirty Years War, and much of his rule as the foremost Lutheran prince of Germany was taken up by this extremely complex struggle.
The Elector, while very strongly anti-Calvinist, was sympathetic toward the Catholic Hapsburgs and at first remained loyal to them as they were the Emperors of the Holy Roman Empire. That changed, however, in 1631, when he allied with the Swedes with whom he won a victory at the Battle of Breitenfeld against the Hapsburgs. He eventually emerged from the war with some modest territorial gains. John George was widely known as an affable, functional alcoholic and his nickname was the "Beer Jug."
John George I was the Elector of Saxony from 1611 to 1656. This reign completely encompassed the Thirty Years War, and much of his rule as the foremost Lutheran prince of Germany was taken up by this extremely complex struggle.
The Elector, while very strongly anti-Calvinist, was sympathetic toward the Catholic Hapsburgs and at first remained loyal to them as they were the Emperors of the Holy Roman Empire. That changed, however, in 1631, when he allied with the Swedes with whom he won a victory at the Battle of Breitenfeld against the Hapsburgs. He eventually emerged from the war with some modest territorial gains. John George was widely known as an affable, functional alcoholic and his nickname was the "Beer Jug."
Sancho the Populator
Sancho I was the second king of Portugal, and he faced a problem shortly after he assumed the throne in 1185. This was due to wars with the Almohads, known as the Moors. After a massive army of Almohads invaded in 1191, the kingdom suffered from plague and other diseases. This and subsequent wars led to vast depopulations in the kingdom. Therefore, Sancho set out to fix the problem, earning himself the nickname of "the Populator."
How does a Populator populate? First, Sancho did his duty personally; he fathered 19 children himself. Since he couldn't hope that every Portuguese subject would be as virile as himself he invited foreigners to settle in his kingdom, particularly immigrants from Flanders and Burgundy.
Sancho I was the second king of Portugal, and he faced a problem shortly after he assumed the throne in 1185. This was due to wars with the Almohads, known as the Moors. After a massive army of Almohads invaded in 1191, the kingdom suffered from plague and other diseases. This and subsequent wars led to vast depopulations in the kingdom. Therefore, Sancho set out to fix the problem, earning himself the nickname of "the Populator."
How does a Populator populate? First, Sancho did his duty personally; he fathered 19 children himself. Since he couldn't hope that every Portuguese subject would be as virile as himself he invited foreigners to settle in his kingdom, particularly immigrants from Flanders and Burgundy.
Other unusual nicknames given to various royals include Childeric the Idiot, Eystein the Fart, Louis the Good-for-nothing, Ivar the Boneless, Conan the Fat, James the Shit, and Charles the Silly. Thankfully we no longer bestow nicknames on our royals because heaven knows what we might apply.
